Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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