I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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