how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Randomize
