I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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