This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize