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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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