don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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