Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
