My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
