The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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