Umm I'm too high to move.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
