I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
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