Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
