Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You took a bar mat shot.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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