so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
i now understand why vodka
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
