I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
