everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
