Only a mothe r could love this liver
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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