She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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