I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
