His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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