we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
we're making bets on your personal life
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
