no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
