I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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