That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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