I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
