So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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