I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
