Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
