Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
