My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
