You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
