It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
