Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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