so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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