North Korea, Best Korea!
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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