Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
