this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
My dick has a subreddit
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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