My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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