Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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