Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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