Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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