I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
