I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
