i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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