You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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