i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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