first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I look better un-naked...
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
