just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I have aggressive nipples.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
