Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
vagina is talking i cant
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
