omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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