yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
