My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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