isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
