I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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