To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
My ass is underappreciated
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
There are leaves in my underwear?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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