just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Bring me that man meat
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
